The Ceremonies
Weddings
Reaffirmations
Naming Ceremonies
Handfasting
What is handfasting?
The Hand-Fasting probably comes from Scandanavian Christian and pre-Christian practices introduced to Scotland before 1000 AD. It was still popular in the 15-1600s. It was a form of Betrothal. Some historians have interpreted this as a trial marriage of a year and a day and this may have been so in some places in the Scottish Borders.
In a Handfasting, the hands were bound by the bann (ribbon or chord), rather than by rings. Under older Canon Law, public figures, other than priests, would sometimes perform the wedding: Blacksmiths, Seanachaidhean, clann chiefs and so on, although it was the vows before the family that made their marriage legal, not the celebrant. The law changed in the 1600s allowing only church ministers to perform marriage, but the practice of binding the hands had become popular and so some Scottish churches were still using handfasting as part of weddings up until the early 20th Century.
Handfasting today.
In more modern times, the binding of the hands has been used more often as part of the actual marriage ceremony, rather than the betrothal (although it can still be a feature in betrothals to this day). Handfasting is found in a number of traditions around the world. Many couples choose a handfasting ceremony because it allows them to express who they are as a couple.
Sometimes a couple’s spirituality is not represented by the major religions and lack of spirituality in a civil marriage is not giving them what they truly wish. They are usually seeking a return to the connection between the couple, through a ceremony that is meaningful to them. The Handfasting ceremony in Braveheart has been cited by many couples as the inspiration for their own wedding.
For a detailed, properly researched historical account of Handfasting see MedievalScotland.org.
The Shape of Your Ceremony
While every ceremony is uniquely created around you, it might be similar to the following. The guests are welcomed into the ceremony space and stand or sit them in a circle (always in a circle or oval, never rows). You, the Bride and Groom, are then welcomed into the circle of your people. I speak some words of introduction about marriage, your families, the choice of day or choice of ceremony location in Scotland, if these are special to you, perhaps some poetry or prose on the theme of marriage. Then we begin:
The guests are invited to ‘set a ground’ of ceremony, perhaps through calling in the Four Elements, Earth, Air Fire and Water. The assembled company might contribute words of their own through readings. We ask who will support you in your marriage – like guardians. You give your verbal declarations to each other, your vows, written by you, explaining why you want to marry; what you are asking for from the relationship, what you appreciate in the other. I call for the Bann to handfast you by, introduce its symbolism, then tie the knot, binding you together in a physical way. You might also exchange rings and perhaps share a drink from the Cuach – the communal whisky drinking cup (quaich).
The guests are invited to ‘set a ground’ of ceremony, perhaps through calling in the Four Elements, Earth, Air Fire and Water. The assembled company might contribute words of their own through readings. We ask who will support you in your marriage – like guardians. You give your verbal declarations to each other, your vows, written by you, explaining why you want to marry; what you are asking for from the relationship, what you appreciate in the other. I call for the Bann to handfast you by, introduce its symbolism, then tie the knot, binding you together in a physical way. You might also exchange rings and perhaps share a drink from the Cuach – the communal whisky drinking cup (quaich).
As the ceremony ends, I might call for the Besom, so that you may jump it and begin your life together. A family member welcomes you once you have jumped the Besom, then you leave the circle and walk around the outside of your people, then you are welcomed back into their circle, having taken your first steps as a couple, sweeping out the old and in the new. The details are of course, special to you, and indeed, the above is not a set format, but rather a typical structure that we, together, create to your wishes. As a rule ceremony generally lasts about 45 minutes (from guests-in to couple out).
This is just an outline of how the ceremony MAY proceed, however, it is vital to make couples a part of creating their own ceremony and as such I will ask you many questions as I write the ceremony so that you can accommodate those little things that would make it your own. I don’t for instance write your vows – they’re your vows, your declarations, and this ceremony is a way to ensuring you retain maximum control of the way the ceremony unfolds.
This is just an outline of how the ceremony MAY proceed, however, it is vital to make couples a part of creating their own ceremony and as such I will ask you many questions as I write the ceremony so that you can accommodate those little things that would make it your own. I don’t for instance write your vows – they’re your vows, your declarations, and this ceremony is a way to ensuring you retain maximum control of the way the ceremony unfolds.
The Legal Bit
Is this a legal ceremony?
Scottish marriage law is a little complex, so let me explain so that you understand how to get what you want for your big day.
- Only a civil registrar (council employee) or a minister from a recognised religion/ body has authority to sign the marriage schedule/ licence, on behalf of the General Registrar Scotland. The licence is the State’s document to record your marriage for legal purposes (such as inheritance).
Since I am neither a minister nor council registrar, this gives me, and you, more freedom in the form your ceremony would take.
What can I do?
If you want a Handfasting ceremony in the Scottish tradition, where your own sense of spirit, emotion and connection are expressed AND have the state recognise your union:
- Simple. You need two separate parts to your wedding: the Handfasting ceremony with me joins you together in spirit and emotion, amidst your family and friends; the Civil service with a registrar allows the state recognise your new legal status.
See below for more details.
A Wedding in Two Parts
Your wedding. Your way.
• Your guests
• Your Vows
• All poetry and readings
• Any ring exchange
• Any family / friends’ spoken involvement
• The binding of your hands
• Any other ceremony inclusions of your choice
• Some couples like to be seen to “sign the register” after the ceremony.
• Two witnesses only (no other guests).
• Your names, address, legal status and your legal declaration of marriage, all required by law.
• Presentation of visa if you are a non-UK citizen.
• Signing the legal document, “schedule of marriage” or register.
At the end of this service, you will recevie your legal marriage certificate.
Questions?
Why don't I do the legal bit too?
Why can't I combine the Ceremony and the Civil Service into one event?
Due to strict guidelines for Registrars in Scotland (and probably the same in England and Wales), the two parts to your ceremony (civil and spiritual) cannot be combined. They must be separate. As in mainland Europe, the registrar cannot be present at a spiritual or religious ceremony. To accommodate this, here are two ways that I recommend that you separate the civil and spiritual. I don’t mind which you choose as long as I am fully informed of your choice:
- Do the civil bit on a different day, week or month to your wedding. Go to the registrar’s office during office hours (which is cheaper) perhaps in your home town (again, less costly). Some of our couples call this a “Jeans and T-shirt Service” as that is how they turn up to the registry office, with only two witnesses and have their marriage recorded with the state.
- If you intend to have your marriage legally registered by the state on the same day as your Handfasting Wedding Ceremony and at the same venue, then I suggest that you have the registrar attend you and your two witnesses (no other guests present) either in the morning while you are getting ready before the Handfasting, or at a convenient time during the reception while your guests are entertained elsewhere. Again, do not have guests present other than your two witnesses.
Why do I suggest that you have no guests at your civil part? Simple; you can’t have two ceremonies in one wedding (handfasting and civil). Two ceremonies would simply be an unnecessary repetition in expressing ideas. More importantly, it confuses the guests and sometimes the couple. Guests go from one gathering to the next, congratulating you twice, etc.
Make one event clearly a ceremony and the other clearly a legal transaction. The legal service will only take about 5 minutes. Do not include poetry or readings or make a “ceremony” of the civil service, as that dilutes the “ceremony” aspect of the Handfasting. Many couples actually attend to the legal aspects without even telling their family or friends.
If you wish to combine your Civil Service and your Handfasting Wedding Ceremony differently to my recommendations, then we will need to discuss your reasoning before I agree to perform the ceremony, to see if I can accommodate you. Questions and comments are welcome before you decide whether Handfasting in the Scottish Tradition is for you.